Maybe The Real College Was the Friends We Made Along the Way
By Calvin Chen
Before coming to the States, I envisioned my life as an international student to be exciting, thrilling at times, and adventurous. Sure, there are days when I’m making all sorts of friends and trying my best to remember everyone’s names, but there are also days when I feel so discouraged and overwhelmed by all the social interactions that I’ll go through my entire day without saying a single word. Ultimately, though, I was able to get through the rough times when I learned that simply doing what you love is what brings loving people around you.
“Great, I need more black people in my friend group!” I blurted to my neighbor, who is black.
It’s one of those things that keeps you up in the middle of the night and makes you cringe as you wonder why in the world you would ever do something like that. Thankfully, he understood I hadn’t meant to imply that I only wanted to be friends for his skin color and was instead just celebrating that I finally made a friend who wasn’t Asian, and thankfully, we’ve become inseparable friends who hang out basically every day.
Cramming for exams (L), Homemade pasta in my dorm (R)
When I went to America, I had a huge fear of accidentally saying something ignorant and insensitive because of the cultural differences, and even though I’ve gotten better about it now, I still worry about uttering the wrong thing. It was one of the many social anxieties I struggled to cope with when trying to make friends at Emory University. On one hand, now that I was living on my own eight thousand miles away from home, I was excited to make a fresh start and create a new persona; on the other, I felt discouraged every time I spoke English because I hated how my weird accent sounded and had a terrible habit of stuttering when talking to strangers, which was especially painful and embarrassing during one of our school’s organized bonding events.
Needless to say, it was pretty rough in the beginning, and I didn’t make my first real friend until after the first few months of school. Our residence was hosting a social gathering, and there I was yet again with my sweaty palms and dry throat. Disheartened, I began to drink alone, and once I got tipsy I randomly invited someone else across the hall who was alone to come and join me for drinks. As we got more and more drunk, we exchanged more and more jokes and personal (but playful) insults as if we’d known each other for years. After I blacked out, I woke up to find out that we’d really become great friends. Now I’m not saying that you should try to make friends by getting wasted, but sometimes unexpected circumstances can lead to unexpected friendships, and sometimes all it takes to break the ice is for someone to see the side of you that’s craziest.
Lil Mabu performing at Emory
But don’t feel like you have to force yourself to only make friends with total strangers, either! In search of a new experience, I was initially reluctant to hang out with other fellow Taiwanese students because I felt like it would be a huge waste to only stay in my comfort zone. Gradually, though, I realized that it’s perfectly okay to have a friend group that you can already relate to because it gives you a space to be your most natural self where you can relax and goof off. When I joined the Taiwanese-American Students Association (TASA), I found people I could immediately feel comfortable playing basketball with, and on the court I forged several friendships built on missed shots and clutch plays. We even shared a disdain for the cafeteria food which led to many memorable nights when we tried cooking the dishes from home we missed most, and though the results weren’t always edible, the experience of fumbling together in the kitchen and exchanging tips and strategies was a beautiful bonding experience that brought us even closer.
Weekend in L.A.
What’s important is just embracing the people and opportunities that come your way. When I met my neighbor, an Atlantan through and through, I was taken aback at the famous Southern Hospitality of his family. They had a laid-back charm that was infectious and greeted me like I was a relative, offering to lug my things to my room and even offering to treat me to lunch. Normally, I (and maybe most Taiwanese students) would have refused out of anxiety or not wanting to inconvenience people you’ve just met, but I decided to embrace this unexpected opportunity and accepted their gracious invitation. Now, he’s not only one of my best friends but also one of the smartest people I know. He’s not just book smarts either; he isn’t afraid to challenge the status quo, and I admire and always learn from his unique outlook on life.
Reuniting with old friends in NYC (L) and LA (R)
Living in a small place like Taiwan where most people look and act the same way definitely tends to make you more close-minded and likely to judge others for appearing or acting outside of what you expect or think is “normal,” so I’m grateful that all the friendships I’ve made in college have opened my eyes to seeing people as individuals with their own stories instead of just stereotypes. When you’re going to college, you’re probably thinking most about classes, grades, and graduation, but I think what’s even more important is learning to be more understanding of people’s differences. I know it can be hard to step outside of your comfort zone, so think of it instead as expanding your comfort zone, and you will become a more compassionate and empathetic person which is more valuable than any diploma.
Calvin Chen
Calvin is a graduate of Fuhsing Bilingual High School and a proud member of the Class of 2027 at Emory University where he is friends with the famous drill rapper Lil Mabu. His Early Decision I (EDI) choice, Emory holds a special place in his heart, and he remains grateful that everything fell into place. Being able to squat 290 lbs and fit his entire hand in his mouth are just a few of Calvin’s many fine accomplishments, and he continues to look forward to the exciting opportunities that lie ahead.
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